A Welshman who believed US rapper Post Malone’s success was derived from his extensive head tattoos has been left red-faced after his own inkwork brought him no success.

Texas-raised artist Malone’s most recent album, ‘Beerbongs and Bentleys’, has already been certified platinum, but the singer landed in the news recently when he tattooed the words ‘Always Tired’ underneath his eyes.

Ian Severalls, a recorder artist from Port Talbot, sought to boost the sales of his most recent studio release, ‘Wales Through The Recorder’, by doing something very similar – and tattooed ‘Fairly Consistent Lower Back Pain’ across his forehead. Severalls was then dropped by his label and ordered by his wife to pay to have the mark laser-removed.

‘It couldn’t believe how dumb it was’, said Mr. Severalls’ wife, Linda, ‘and besides, I can think of far worse qualities he could have tattooed on there instead’, before slyly winking at me. I have been thinking long and hard about what that could have meant, and can only imagine she was referring to the size of his penis.

Although Ian admitted that there may be other factors to Post Malone’s success than his facial decorations, he was not willing to give up his fight yet.

‘I’ll be following his every move. I tried growing his moustache with the gap in the middle, but I keep catching Wotsits dust in there, which gives the whole thing an eerie orange glow. I can only assume the man has never eaten a packet of Wotsits in his life.’

‘What kind of monster am I dealing with here?’